OF ASS & ASSES

In the eyes of a prude the female derrière is “obscene and indecent”. In this case the prudes are members of the Federal Communications Commission, truly a bunch of first class asses who so decided. In the eyes of others a derrière, an ass in plain English, is a thing of beauty, something to admire, something to marvel at.    

If you had to conjure up an iconic image of a prude, who would it be? For me it would be Eleanor Roosevelt, the prune faced First Lady who was often seen sporting a Minnie Pearl hat. Would it surprise you if I told you that Eleanor once sent a congratulatory telegram to Gypsy Rose Lee, the First Lady of Burlesque, “May you bare ass always be shining” she wrote.

Gypsy Rose Lee was voted the most popular woman in America in 1940, more popular than that First Lady. That year she stripped before thousands of adoring fans at the World’s Fair in Flushing, New York. It was reported that she shed all her clothes keeping certain strategic spots covered with ribbons and sequins. She wasn’t naked.  “I was completely covered by a blue spotlight” she said and that blue spotlight sure highlighted her golden assets.

Here we had the First Lady, the first Chair of the United Nations Human Rights Commission, and in my eyes the First Prude, lauding a stripper that dared to bare it all, including her world renowned and acclaimed ass. But Gypsy Rose Lee was not just a stripper. As she often quipped “There is more to see [of me] than meets the eye”. There sure was. This was a woman of wit and intelligence. Her assets were but a bonus

In the case of the "asses" sitting on the Federal Communication Commission, it seems that the TV show NYPD Blue aired an episode entitled “Nude Awakening”. In it, one of the characters disrobes as she prepares to take a shower. Her nude buttocks, in other words her ass is visible. There is another shot which fleetingly reveals her ass once again. This flagrant display of “obscene and indecent” material took up less than seven seconds of air time. For this “explicit and graphic” depiction of “sexual organs” [the ass?] the FCC fined ABC $1,210,000. That’s more than a million bucks, to you and me.

But it took two years and a Federal appeals court to put the asses in their place and void the fine. What galls me is that we have Mike “The Situation”, Jenni “JWoww” and “Snooki” Polizzi, along with many other social retards, cavorting and shouting bleeped out obscenities on TV's Jersey Shore. I know, “That’s Cable” you say, and I say “Whatever”!

Let’s put it to a vote: Would you rather see Snooki’s fat derrière in full color, with ultra sonic sound or Gypsy’s in black and white, with a scratchy sound track playing “Let Me Entertain You”?